see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Someone came in the potted fern
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
