I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
