I feel great
I just peed on a car
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
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He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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