am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
