Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
