we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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