Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
