I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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