My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
