It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
