you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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