either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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