Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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