guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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