how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
