i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
