so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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