All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
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I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
