Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."