What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
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He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
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Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real