Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it. http://tfl.nu/6xls
  Replies (38) Good night (8687) Bad night (1418)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are. http://tfl.nu/2i80
  Replies (6) Good night (5033) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/5qlb
  Replies (37) Good night (909) Bad night (3569)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he asked me to hangout with him...and his son

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): he asked me to hangout with him...and his son http://tfl.nu/p42y
  Replies (17) Good night (954) Bad night (5308)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates http://tfl.nu/4z1l
  Replies (3) Good night (2359) Bad night (848)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party. http://tfl.nu/e28o
  Replies (7) Good night (2557) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils. http://tfl.nu/mamt
  Replies (5) Good night (1608) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it. http://tfl.nu/jqgn
  Replies (4) Good night (1633) Bad night (1169)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks http://tfl.nu/b8ud
  Replies (10) Good night (2381) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts. http://tfl.nu/jof7
  Replies (8) Good night (1066) Bad night (1770)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  "Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Nope, his last birthday was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): "Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right? (770): Nope, his last birthday was. http://tfl.nu/dk94
  Replies (5) Good night (2053) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I just took the cheapest shot in your honor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I just took the cheapest shot in your honor http://tfl.nu/u3ke
  Replies (1) Good night (931) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW http://tfl.nu/uzsx
  Replies (6) Good night (1228) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert http://tfl.nu/7kxa
  Replies (2) Good night (400) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier http://tfl.nu/yoel
  Replies (4) Good night (671) Bad night (253)

Randomize