She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments