Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
