She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
