from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize