it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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