Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
