I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
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I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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