I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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