Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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