I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
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this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
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I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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