he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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