make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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