I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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