U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
