Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
