and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
