god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
