After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
