so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Randomize
