hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
