No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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