I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
