if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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