I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
