What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if only i could text you this smell
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
