So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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