Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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