you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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