Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You're earring is so big in my mouth
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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