I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
