I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
