New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
