he shaved USA in his pubs
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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