I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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