Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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