and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
