What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
