It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
