it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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