You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
