He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
