he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
