Ketchup is God's man juice
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
