I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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