i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
