Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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